Back in the crossroads again…
So I’ve been having a hard time sleeping since Matt moved out last week. It’s not (despite what you might think) that I particularly miss his company but the place sounds different, its too quiet. Plus the bastard took all the working fans so I got no white noise.

The title of this post is from a song by a group called The Explosion. I heard their song Here I am while watching JBTV tonight and it’s kinda stuck in my head:

Here I am, Here I am, Here I am.
Back at the crossroads again.
Let me stand, Let me stand, Let me stand.
On the top of the mountain again.

Now I imagine that it is careening around the ole’ cranial cavity for a few reasons:
A: It’s catchy as fuck.
B: It’s “good” pop/punk (and yes there is such a thing).

These would be good enough reason I suppose, but the real reason is I kinda identify, at least with the chorus. I’ve been feeling a little crossroads-ish these days. Allow me to ’splain!

I’ve been attempting to date this girl (who I hope doesn’t read this) and it’s not been going too well. She’s young, a little confused about what she wants, and it’s just making things worse thats she’s been going through some personal shit that has made finding time to spend together hard.

All that aside, I guess what really bothers me is that I really don’t know where I stand. Half the time I can’t get ahold of her on the phone and she doesn’t return my calls– This is usually the sign of “fuck you buddy, this ain’t going to work.” BUT when we do speak, or miraculously manage to find time to hang out everything rocks, we’re digging each other and life is groovy.

Am I making too many demands on the “relationship”? Is she just being distant and flakey?
*sigh*
Who the fuck knows.

So there’s my crossroads. Do I keep on making the un-returned phone calls, or do I call it quits and cut my loses?

You know what? I take back wishing she doesn’t read this. I kinda hope she does. I mean, at least that way she’d know how I feel– I’ve been meaning to tell her myself but, well, we’ve been playing phone tag for a week and a half.

:/